Any other control freaks out there who have just the hardest time with this word? Surrender… blah! Gross! I HATE this word. But I need this word.
Recently, God has been telling me through verses, bible study, devotionals, church services and showers (yes, that’s when God gives me the download- the shower) that the one thing standing in the way of me getting to where I’m going and doing what I need to be doing is… Me. Yea, it’s ME! How inconvenient and impossible is that?
We’ve talked about it, you know it, I’m an anxious person. I stress. I wouldn’t say that I am stressed out, but I would say that there are things I stress about. Achieving is one of those things. I suffer from ‘strive.’ I desire so much to do so well and to achieve big things and big goals, and to provide well for my family.
I desire this so much, that sometimes that very desire gets in my way. Sometimes I want it so badly, that I get in the way of my own success. I get too emotional. I get too attached. I get too committed- is there such a thing??
So God has been telling me- okay screaming at me- to settle down and to release it! Release the results! Release my plans! Release my expectations! And worst of all, He’s asking me to surrender the process and the providing to Him. Blah! This is legit painful for me to do.
Okay, maybe you’re not a believer in the whole God thing and you’re rolling your eyes because God doesn’t talk to people and hey, that’s okay- I used to feel/think the same exact thing- but take that out of the equation for a moment and think about it… do you get in your own way even if God is NOT the one telling you you’re getting in your own way? Are you so focused on results that you’ve lost sight of process?
Here’s the deal: It’s WHEN we get so hyper-focused on where we’re going, that we forget to just get in the car, start it up and enjoy the drive. I know I’ve been known to look longingly down the road, afraid of the journey and panicked at how far away the destination is, that I struggle to even start the journey or look at the next step in front of me. I procrastinate, I clean my counters, I avoid. I’m all about goals, Y’all, don’t get me wrong, but when the goal is the very thing stopping us from taking action… we’ve got a problem.
This is when we get emotional, distracted, discouraged, defeated… and worse… this is when we quit. This is when we make rash decisions and decide it’s not worth it- even when we know, deep down, that it’s the most worth it thing we’ll ever do- because we’re in a valley! We’re feeling the pressure and we don’t like pressure. That’s why it’s so hard. Not because of the challenge, but because of the attachment. That’s why none of us want to get vulnerable enough with ourselves to attach to the real desires of hearts.
Let me tell you what… if it is your desire to be home with your kids, I want to give you permission to REALLY want it. Because if you don’t REALLY want it- like really, truly, vulnerably want it, than you’ll never do what it takes to get out of your job, or whatever that looks like.
If your desire is to make partner at your firm, I want to let you know that it’s okay to REALLY want to make partner at your firm! It’s okay to go for it all out, unabashedly, unapologetically, because if you don’t really allow yourself to desire that at that next level, you’re just not going to do the work.
So goals are a yes from me- definitely make them. And giving yourself permission to fully chase down those lions in your life- also a big fat yes from me. But there is an art to finding the balance between being devoted and being desperate. When you find yourself swaying towards the latter… don’t give up the devotion… just give IT up… to God (or faith, or the universe, or to manifestation… whatever makes you grab ahold of this right now).
So yea, I am not apologizing for my big goals and my ambitious nature- that’s how God made me after all- but I totally get that it can really set me back because of my willingness to go all in and get attached and vulnerable.
And because I’m a control freak, and I like to know what’s happening and have my hand on everything, it’s so painfully hard for me to surrender the process, the results, the outcome… to faith. It’s hard for me to trust in the unseen and to feel convinced.
But that. is. faith.
Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not yet seen. (Heb. 11:1).
So I don’t know about you but I’m in desperate need of some surrender. I need to surrender the evidence, the things ‘seen’ so as to unblock my view of the things unseen. I need to let go so that I may grab ahold.
Is that you?
I hate it. I fight it. But honestly, it’s the only thing that brings me peace. And in surrender, there is MORE faith- bold faith- to believe like you’ve never believed before. When you let go and let God, you make room for the impossible, for the extraordinary… you make room for faith.
I need more faith. I need less control. So I’m surrendering.