Y’all, you literally can not make this stuff up. Hang on tight, because have I got a good one for you tonight…
You know how people say that when it rains, it pours? I have always thought that that mindset was just that- a mindset. It was just a thought process in need of a perspective shift. Because here is the truth guys: You see what you look for. What you think about, you bring about. Once you start seeing rain, all of the sudden there is only rain, and a lot of it! It’s the slippery slope of negativity.
But this got me thinking over the last few days: is it that we’re just seeing what we’re focused on- all doom and gloom in the rain expression- or is it that we’re actually manifesting our own negative environment?
Y’all, I’ve got to tell you, I used to think that it was more about the focus- and that could still very well be true- but I am beginning to wonder if the human mind actually has the power to manifest things!
Go with me for a minute…
So the other night I was sitting in my back yard, enjoying a beverage and the sunshine, and watching my kids run around. This is not the first time I have sat in my backyard- the backyard that my husband keeps cut short and the chickens, turkeys, ducks and guineas all patrol all day long all for bug control. This is the same yard that on this particular night decided to attack me.
I don’t know if you know what a ‘no see em’ is… but it’s a tiny bug and it actually burrows into your skin, I’m told, leaving incredibly itchy and numerous bites!
I know something about this because I’m covered in them. COVERED in these bites. Don’t worry- the kids and Tom are fine- the bugs just seemed to fancy me! In two years, I’ve never had a single issue, and I’m not one to venture outside of my well kept circle of safe space around the house.
As I’m laying on my bed later that night, I find a tick on the back of my neck, under my hair. I hate ticks and we do have QUITE a lot of them around here- on the dogs, and occasionally on the kids and Tom- but they don’t bite me. They don’t even hardly get on me. So to find one on my neck… like it made it that far up my body (they climb, they don’t fly) means that he was crawling around on my body for several hours. What is that even about?
So the next day, as I’m laying in bed again talking with Thomas, and quite literally scratching the skin of my legs off due to the outrageous itching of these bites, I may or may not have been examining the house prices and tick maps of other states.
Turns out there is no where to live where you’re free of snakes, bugs and spiders because this is a damn fallen world. But in all honesty, although we were not seriously considering moving over this (although I’m not sure there is a better reason to move other than spiders, snakes and bugs), I started to research the actual danger of snakes and spiders- specifically cottonmouth snakes and brown recluse spiders.
Here’s the deal, the brown recluses and I have had our time in the ring. We’ve sprayed, I’ve killed several- more than I ever wanted to meet in my entire life (which is more than zero)- and I still think about where these horrendous beasts are hiding in my house at least once a day. Yes, I wonder where the spiders are hiding in my house at least one time each and every day. However, although I don’t like snakes, I feel like I can avoid them by staying out of their life. Like I’m not afraid of putting my foot in a my shoe and finding a snake in it. At least I’m not afraid of that everyday. On Sunday, though, while we were filming a video for the marriage ministry we’re launching at church, I over heard one of the men telling a story of not one, not two, not three, but FIVE cottonmouth snakes ATTACKING a guy and the only reason this guy came out on the other side is because he emptied a handgun into the five snakes.
I’m sorry, but no. I just can’t unknow that.
Thomas posed to me last night that the story could have been an exaggeration, and honestly, that’s likely now that I think about it rationally, but even still… just no. Like no.
So here I am, covered in ‘no see em’ bites and researching brown recluse deaths and cottonmouth attacks and Thomas suggests that maybe I’m giving too much power over to my fears. I mean, I like to think of it as knowing the facts… but I guess he did have a point. I was getting myself awfully worked up over the whole thing. And the information I was finding was actually proving to be rather comforting overall, but strangely, I wasn’t comforted.
For the record, cottonmouths are not aggressive (says google from the safety of the internet) and there is not one proven death from a brown recluse spider. Actually 90% of bites heal without medical intervention and without much scarring. In case you’re freaking out right now!
I go to sleep last night weighing in my mind whether or not a grizzly bear in Montana is more or less scary than a spider or a snake, and I wake up this morning ready to make a decision to just stop focusing on my fears. I do NOT need to be drawing more focus towards the things I don’t want to bring into my life- are y’all with me on that one?
So, this morning, I’m sitting in my bed praying and writing in my journal when a freaking brown recluse spider apparates right in front of my very eyes. I’m not kidding you, a freaking brown recluse spider (it requires the ‘freaking’ adjective) just falls from the damn ceiling onto my lap (thank god I was under the covers) and shattered the illusion that I held onto that my bed was safe from any and all monsters.
I literally leaned over the thing to confirm my suspicions- yes, calmly… can you believe it?- and sure enough, there was a fiddle on the back of that bitch. Readers, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I should add in here that recluses are identified by a tiny violin shape on their back. I gently folded my comforter over top of the spider to squish it, got out of bed and got a tissue to dispose of it.
And then drove off never to be seen or heard from again.
You know I’ve got to say it folks… what in the actual fuck? Does anyone else feel spiders all over their body right now?
Oh how I wish the story was done there…
Tonight, as I’m getting in the car to head off to teach my REFIT class, I was talking to Thomas about the absolute craziness of that spider falling out of the damn sky into my lap- like what are the odds of that? How strange that we were just researching all the spider related deaths only a few hours before and suddenly, I was confronted with that very real fear. And I actually just handled it… like I wasn’t even that afraid. I really couldn’t believe it. I told Thomas that I actually felt bad for the spider- like I have each time I’ve seen a recluse- because I know he’s got to die and I also know that he’s just trying to hide and never be found by me. We actually really just want the same thing- me and that spider- to never have to run into each other.
And then when I get to class, the class where nothing unusual has ever happened, I kid you freaking not, there is a mother loving SNAKE in the room I teach in. When one of the gals in the class yelped and reported on her findings I actually thought… am I having one big long nightmare because of all that stupid googling? Like, that can’t even actually happen twice in one day. But sure as I am writing this, there was a snake in the class. And he was not thrilled to have to be removed. THANK THE LUCKY STARS ABOVE that the 5 most attractive young men I’ve yet to see in the town of Summertown just so happened to be in the gym at that moment to come to our aid. I can count on one hand the amount of times other people have been in that gym at the same time we are in that gym- y’all, I live in a small town okay- but it’s a dang miracle because there is no way I was about to calmly handle an angry snake.
So here is where I’m going with all of this (besides Montana)… is it because I am focused on all these worst nightmare situations that I’m seeing and experiencing a high dose of them right now, or am I freaking attracting it and manifesting spiders to show up on my lap? Because I need to figure this out before I go to bed tonight. How do I make it stop?
But seriously, wouldn’t you say it’s a little of both? Wouldn’t you agree that we see what we look for- even when it’s not something we desire to find? And I also think that what we think about we bring about. I do believe in the law of attraction. I believe that we create our circumstances based on the lens we’re looking through.
I also honestly feel like God’s hand is in this of course… but I cannot for the life of me see what He is trying to show me. I don’t know if this is some sort of conditioning, or if He’s trying to get me to burn my house down. Whatever it is, I hope I figure it out so that I can make it stop. Because what on earth is going to be next?
It’s time to bring an umbrella along for the ride through my mind because I’m about done with all the rain.