Do you ever just sit in the dark in your living room and have a glass of wine, listening to the washer and dryer, and watch the Apple TV screen saver?
Well, truth be told, I don’t NORMALLY do that, but tonight that’s exactly where I found myself. And it was somewhere around the great wall of China on the screen saver that I really started to think…
Time. Goes. So. Fast.
First of all, it seems like not all that long ago that Thomas and I spent our Sundays in a completely different way. Back before kids, there was such a thing as a ‘Sunday Funday.’ I don’t know why it existed, as even when I participated, it was clearly such a bad and irresponsible idea. But alas, we would spend our Sundays staying up late and drinking too much.
As I sip my wine, I laugh at the thought of that now. I’m exhausted even imaging such ridiculous behavior, and I don’t even have to get up and go anywhere tomorrow! I would stay out late, drink, and go to work early in the morning. That is NO way to start a work week people!
Why am I sharing this with you?
Tonight my 6 year old is having her first non- family sleep over. First of all, I have a six year old. When did that happen? Like seriously…
Second of all, she told her best girl friend, Kynley, that she’s experienced now because this past week she stayed at one of my best friend’s house- Tori, who is family to me- and so now she’s ready to take on the world as an independent child. Oh my goodness gracious, say it ain’t so.
Because Cadence got a special playdate, I took Merit- the middle child- out to a mom and Merit dinner date tonight. We went to Mexican food because we are still on the hunt for someplace, ANYPLACE, that even resembles Californian Mexican food (the search continues), and I had the most adult conversation with my four year old.
He is nervous for swim lessons to start tomorrow. He would prefer if we had black and white cows over just plain black cows. And he really would like to go to the Monster truck races for his birthday this year. The birthday where he will be turning five.
Time. Goes. So. Fast.
After dinner, Gage and Merit and I had some quality hot tub time. The kids love the hot tub, and it’s the closest thing to my former Sunday Fundays so I felt like it was fitting, since the past was on my mind. Although, just a few years ago- or so it would seem- the hot tub held a completely different group. Tonight we talked about blowing bubbles and facing our fears, whereas just a few years ago, a few lost souls sat and discussed who was having a baby with who.
I just can’t get over it.
As I was running this morning- okay it was afternoon… I don’t do morning- I was chatting with a God I didn’t know only a few short years ago. We were talking about what used to be, what is, and what’s coming down the pipe. I have to tell you… the things that God can do in 10 years… it will blow your mind. The transformation. The difference.
Sidebar: Today, I went for a run. I hadn’t run in several days, and I have told myself that if I let too many days go by, I wouldn’t be able to keep up to the distance or time that I last ran. Well, I proved myself wrong today- despite the enemy whispering in my ear. It had been about four days since my last run, because try as I might, these dang days keep getting away from me. But today, I was actually excited to run… this is a miracle in and of itself. A complete miracle. And once I started running, I committed to completing four miles, which was more than I had ever run. My last distance was 3.5 miles.
Three miles went by without any issue, but that last mile… man the enemy showed up.
“You can’t make it. You’re not a runner. You should stop at three and a half. That’s good enough. You ate pizza for lunch (sadly, it was true), you can’t expect to push your body when you’ve had pizza. You can’t run a half marathon! And you’ve only raised $375, you’ll never hit $5000! Who do you think you are?”
Even the sun came out of the clouds and started to bare down on me. I got a sunburn in that last mile…
…But I persisted. Because I don’t know about you, but I am a child of the King and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… and with I AM THEY band, who plays in my ears, even when I put it on shuffle!
I ran 4 miles with an average pace of 9 minutes and 24 second. You guys, I wasn’t nearly as proud of the distance as I was of the pace. Each mile that I ran, as my earphones reported the time, I was completely surprised. I was preparing myself each additional mile that surly I had slowed down… surely I had slowed my pace, because I was exhausted and I had been making mental concessions. But no… I was going strong. I had God and golden retriever power on my side!
I imagined, as I ran, the complete ridiculous idea that I was going to run a half marathon… that I was running at all. You guys, this still catches me off guard. Like I said before, I’m running in a lot of ways just because I thought I couldn’t. And I’m excited and motivated to raise money for a cause I believe in, even though I think it’s hilarious that I’m doing it in a way that I never dreamed in a million years I would.**
But back to the subject at hand…
Somewhere around the Great wall of China- which looks like it could use a weed whack, by the way- I started to think about the fact that I can’t imagine China with mountains. When you see pictures of the great wall, it’s clearly amongst vast, green mountains and I’ve always envisioned China as a city with 2394757 people. I need to go to China! I need to see this wall! I’ve never been! When will I be able to squeeze that in?
Time. Goes. So. Fast.
When will I get to China? How do I have a six year old child? What happened to making irresponsible decisions on Sundays? Monster trucks are legit in my life…
Ten years ago, I found it fun and exciting to be hungover on a Monday at work. Today, I find it peaceful to listen to the washer and dryer and watch the screen saver. What’s to come? What will my next ten years look like?
Readers, I feel like the people who really hold onto the past are the ones who have a hard time embracing the beauty of the present. Yes, the life of little responsibility is behind me… but the wonder of being a parent, and finding joy in the simple moments is here today. And I think, if you look, you can see the joy and the beauty in both things. Am I nostalgic for the time gone by? Sure. It would be nice to hang out on Sunday and not have anything to worry about on a Monday.
But then again, swim lessons at 10am is a pretty cool thing to have to do, all things considered. I’m okay with getting older. I’m okay embracing the current and laughing about the things of the past. Because I figure as long as I’m looking towards the joy of what’s the come, I can appreciate the moments that have gone by without feeling like I’m missing anything.
A musician friend of Tom’s- Justin Ferrin- says “there is no time at all. They just put a clock on the wall… to make you think you’re running late, but really you are doing great… you’re where you’re supposed to be. Otherwise you’d be someplace else.”
Ain’t that just the truth?
We’re exactly where we are supposed to be for now. Otherwise, we’d be someplace else.
** If you’re able and willing to donate to the cause, I’m running this 1/2 marathon to raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s hospital. My goal is $5000 and I believe we can do it!! Please donate if you’re able!