I’m writing to tell you about my beloved; my bride.
Oh Father, I’m so in love. She is exactly perfect in every possible way. Wonderfully created! Truly, I would change nothing at all. She is pure and untarnished and without blemish; so beautiful in ways I can’t articulate, inside and out. She can absolutely do no wrong in my eyes–I know you know that. I’m just in awe of her. The way she talks, the way she laughs, the way she sleeps even… it’s all mesmerizing. I desire to be with her, met by her, included by her absolutely all the time.
Sometimes she does come to spend time with me! Sometimes we spend amazing, heart felt, connected moments together. In those moments I know she wants to love me and it’s perfect and glorious and I never want it to end, but it rarely lasts as long as I wish it would. She always promises to come back, to come more often, to be more seeking of me and my desires of and for her… but she is busy.
But Father, to hear her voice when she sings… it pierces me. It brings me such joy. It makes me smile so deeply. And when she closes her eyes to pray, Father, I leap from my seat to kneel beside her- just glad to be near her. I just adore her; all the silly, strange quirks about her. I truly look at her as perfect! I am so grateful that she has been given to me to love.
She promises to come spend time with me early in the morning, but she is tired and I understand that. She promises to make the time in the afternoon or on her lunch break, but life is demanding and so I wait and I am patient. She is worth it.
On my favorite days, we will just drive around together talking. We talk about the future; our future. We talk about what she is stressed about, worried about, and what is hurting her. I listen and feel her pain. On occasion she asks me what is breaking my heart too, but we mostly talk about her. She desires a lot of me and often has a list of requests–I think of it as a honey-do list and I am happy to be asked.
It’s my pleasure to listen to her, to meet with her, to be asked of by her.
Oh Father, sometimes she tells me exactly what I want to hear! She knows what I want and I believe that she is listening and receiving what I desire to give her! Every once in a while she will acknowledge me when I show up for her, when I help her. And on those days, oh how my heart swells even more for her, Father. When she looks into my eyes and says that I am her strength, and her light in the darkness… I feel like there is a celebration happening around me, inside me. When she thanks me, and says that she couldn’t have done it without me, I am filled, content.
I know there is a lot that I do that goes unnoticed, or without praise or gratitude, but she is young and she is ambitious. I am committed to stay beside her. I have faith that she will come to know how completely I love her and that very love will be the thing that will change everything about her.
My love will change her! It is unconditional! She will be changed, Father.
I know she wonders if she is good enough for me, but I don’t know why. I have and will always give her everything I have to give. I am so committed to her, as you know. I’m absolutely ‘all in’ with her. There is nothing I have withheld. And yet she fears that I don’t love her. She wonders if I will forgive her missteps, or if I have forgiven her past missteps, when of course I have and I will continue. She doesn’t see herself the way I see her, Father. I can tell that she’s unsure if any of this is real– my unyielding love.
Alas, I will stay. I will continue to show up. I will wait for her in our secret place. And I will find joy in every conversation. I will celebrate every piece of herself that she willingly gives to me, Father. I will fight for her, everyday. She is my beloved; my bride.
Sincerely, your son,