Against the wind

“Against the wind
We were runnin’ against the wind
We were young and strong, we were runnin’ against the wind.”

I love that song. Well, I love the Forrest Gump soundtrack anyway. And of course the lyrics to this song fit perfectly with my blog today because not only am I an official ‘runner’ now- as you know if you’ve been following my adventures- but I just did a very scary thing, which really means that I am running against the wind from here on out…

I officially registered for the St. Judes 1/2 Marathon in Memphis, Tennessee on December 1st.

I’m kind of panicking a little bit, but not because I am officially registered. I mean, yes, that is part of it. Although I ran 3 miles today- 3 MILES!!! I’ve never run that far in my life without stopping!- I am still not sure how I will ever be able to run 13.10 miles in one get go! That still sounds pretty dang impossible to me. But it’s hard to say something is impossible when you’re standing next to someone who is doing it, right? Well, thanks to my many running friends, who have been amazing encouragers as I start down this path, I have faith that I will cross that dang finish line!

So yes, I’m a little bit panicked about the actually being registered and committed part, but I’m even more nervous- like heart is currently beating in my chest nervous- because I committed to the max fund raising amount of $3000. Where will that money come from? I’m not exactly sure. But like I said in an earlier blog, I recently heard on the book I’m listening to called Chase the Lion, that if your goal doesn’t stand a chance without Divine intervention, then it’s not big enough.

Well, and also I figure what’s the point of doing anything half way? If I’m going to run, I’m going to start with a 1/2 marathon. And if I’m going to run for a cause as amazing as St. Jude’s, then I’m going to raise the max amount. I mean, right? I feel like why would I do it otherwise?

Well, God, I’ve done my part… (gulp). I’ve set the big goal, and I’m on the hook for it, so pretty please show up and show us what you can do, Lord! Because I have a feeling that this journey just got a whole lot more emotional for all of us, Readers. I know that God is going to do enormous things with this commitment.

But here is the real kicker… although I’m on the hook for $3000, as I was running this morning, God told me that I should aim for $5000. And so I said okay- because you know, what are you going to say?- but I’ve got to be honest, Readers… I think we’re going to blow that out of the water. Yes, WE are. Because if you are reading this, I’m going to need your help. If you feel so compelled to donate and support the cause, God bless you, that’s amazing! I promise you that I will run this thing all the way, and I will NOT let you down. And although I’m sure so many of you will want to give and do more, because I know so many of your hearts, I remember a time when I just couldn’t give as much as I would have liked to give. And so if that’s you, don’t feel guilty or feel like you can’t make a difference, but please help us reach our goal by sharing this blog and getting the word out about this cause. My friend Miranda Burcham says that although we are just one and we can’t do everything, we can still do something.

So share this, tell your friends, share the link if you’d rather not share the blog… whatever you’re comfortable with and able to do, please do. I know that we are better together and I believe in this big, giant, outside of my box goal. Let’s watch God show up!

So here is the link to donate:

http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR/Heroes/Heroes?px=5177403&pg=personal&fr_id=88563

I set out this morning to run 2 miles. Maybe 2.5 if I really felt like I could. It was a beautiful morning, a little overcast and breezy, and I had freshly mowed my pasture track. Since I started running, just 10 days ago, I’ve run 5 days! My goal is to run 3x a week and cross train 3x a week. It’s ambitious, but this is a practice of self discipline for me. I’m following a little chart that my friend shared with me on Facebook, which is meant to prepare you to go from a complete non-runner, to half marathon ready in 20 weeks.

Here is how it’s gone so far:

Supposed to do: 1.5 miles

I did: 1.66 miles

Supposed to do: 1.5 miles

I did: 1.54 miles

Supposed to do: 2 miles

I did: 2.02 miles

Supposed to do: 1.5 miles

I did: 2.06 miles

Supposed to do: 2 miles

I did: 3.03 miles!

So as I was rounding out 2 miles this morning, I was feeling really proud of myself! It was right around the completion of that second mile that God got ahold of me and told me that I needed to just register for this half marathon already, and that I needed to commit to being a Gold registrant, which means the max fund raising commitment. And then, because He could tell that I’d been dragging my feet on committing to that donation amount, He suggested that I raise the bar and do more. Well, because I believe that if you can make a difference, you must. And so, I had to say yes.

So here we are, friends. Here we are.

There is a worship song that I love, based off Psalm 23: 1-6. When I was writing a note to myself earlier today- before my run- I saw a verse of Psalm 23 written at the bottom of the journal page. It immediately made me smile, and I started humming the song to myself, making a mental note that I needed to pull it up on my phone and give it a listen.

Mile 2 wrapping up, God is helping me to commit to my $5000 fund raising goal, and what song comes on my randomly shuffled song list from my phone?

I have to tell you, as this song played, my heart filled up but so did my eyes. I was about to end my run, as I had fulfilled my 2 mile commitment for the day, but I suddenly felt renewed and ready to keep going. I felt my strength resorted. But that’s only one of the reasons I felt renewed in that moment.

Today I’ve started a 5 day commitment to prayer and reflection. I have had a few things weighing on me, and I need resolution, and so I’ve committed with my small group to focus the next five days of being intentional in my prayers. This means that I will be going without some things that I feel very attached to over these five days, and this morning I was asking God for a reprieve from the ‘wanting.’

“I won’t be wanting. I won’t be wanting…”

I’ve also been praying over the last few days for God to grant me rest. Do you ever just feel like you’re doing a million things, but you’re doing nothing well? That’s where I’m at. I blogged not too long ago about needing to say no (read more here), and I find that only a few months later, I’m in the same dang boat again. I liken God to a parent, and myself to a 2 year old… “How many times do I have to answer that question???” So I’ve been asking God to give me permission to just rest and do nothing, because that’s not often something I grant myself permission to do.

Yesterday I felt like I had that day of rest. I just worked around the house and hung with the family and didn’t feel the guilt of letting some of my many balls drop…

“He makes me rest in fields of green, with quiet streams.”

Readers, I was literally running in a green pasture next to our stream while this song filled my heart. And I had just decided to step into a big goal that I fear a lot. What if I don’t raise the money? What if no one donates? What if I have to pay it all out of my pocket? I surely won’t feel all the magic if that’s how it comes to pass, I promise you that. Who do I think I am, trying to do this? I can’t even run!! I am not even a runner!!!

Readers, who’s voice is that?

“I will not fear, for you are with me. You’re always with me. You’re shepherds staff comforts me. You are my feast, in the presence of enemies. Surely goodness will follow me… follow me… In the House of God forever.”

Readers, it makes me emotional even typing it now. God is so good, and He gives us exactly what we need when we need it, doesn’t He? Ask and you shall receive, right?

Well, I’m humbly asking for your help. Yours and Gods, of course. Because I’m facing fear and trials and enemy attacks, but I believe that we’ll hit our goal. I know we will. Because who can stand against us?

(song credit: Jon Foreman. Download that goodness!)